Get casual in office with the 3/4 pants

Christine Nakalungi slaying the 3/4 flare pants. Photos by Colleb Mugume

Today I woke up feeling casual but I couldn’t go all casual in office so I perused through my wardrobe and found my life saving 3/4 pants.

They are not the tight chicky ones but the flare kind of pants. My look wasn’t complete until I found a fitting light top and my nude stilettos. Someone would have confused it for a casual look but the stilettos saved the look, gave me a casual feel yet elegant even in the office environment.

Who says you have to follow certain rules? You can create your own style and stick to it. I am simply Christine and this look defines me. Maybe you would love to try it.

How to wear it:

Unless it’s the tight 3/4 pants, never wear these flare pants with sandals. Sandals or sneakers could match perfectly on linen 3/4 flare pants or tight jeans respectively.

By Christine Nakalungi

Now I know why people close their eyes while kissing

Kissing in Africa is a foreign and adopted culture. So I wont hold anyone accountable for all the bad kissing that went down on the mass wedding at Rubaga Miracle Centre. Apparently, a prize of 100$ equivalent of Ugx 370,000 was set for the ten best kissing couples. Man oh man, this wasn’t a kissing competition, it was a battlefield. Some couples seemed to just be biting the lips of a spouse as if eating a sugarcane. One couple amused me, his tongue licked away all the lipstick of his bride as if he was scooping on ice cream.  It was entertaining beyond anything we have ever witnessed in the city of Kampala.

This got me thinking, is this why people close their eyes while kissing so that they don’t have to remember the alienic lips that could be approaching them…LOL?

She wants to give our marriage a five year break, should I let her?

Today I was invited to discuss a topic at Dembe Fm, a Nation Media Radio station. Bina Baibe, a famous presenter played a recording of a listener who has been staying in Pakistan for years, he has or he is married with four children. Six months ago, he had an argument with his wife who told him that she was tired of the whole marriage life, she asked him to give her a break. After a long argument, the husband gave in to her demands thinking it was a short period and maybe she was suffocated and really needed a break to set her mind straight.

L-R Christine Nakalungi and Bina Baibe. My Cinderella Story Photo

To his shock, the wife told him that she needs a break of five years. Whaaatttt? My eyes widened and my jaws dropped, “who even does that?” I asked.  Before I could step in with my wild views, Bina signaled me to keep on listening. “She gave me six months to come back home or she was going to take my children to a police station” The listener narrated. “At first, I thought it was a joke but did not want to risk so a few weeks to the end of the six months, I went to Uganda. I just boarded an airport taxi from the airport and on arrival at our home, she just looked at me with disgust, no welcome at all; I teased her but she wasn’t interested. I called out the children to get my stuff from the taxi but she told me the children were sent to their grandmother. I wasn’t amused at her decision but kept my cool. I had come back home to take care of my children and they were not even around!”

By this time, I had got my peace with the idea of a break but I knew something wasn’t right. The question is, should I give her this break and what will happen within these five years?

Reported by Christine Nakalungi

 

In the battle to impress him, I lost everything

Dear My Cinderella Editor, allow me share my story to all the young ladies out there, maybe it could be a lesson to one or two.

When you put out all your best cards and luck doesn’t seem to be on your side; if you don’t quit, you might end up regretting your efforts

I met this guy, he wasn’t so handsome but his personality attracted me to him, he was protective, supportive and sensitive. When I met him he acted interested and since I had liked him, I never made it hard for him; we went out a few times and enjoyed the steam in our early love story. It didn’t last for so long, we got into an argument, it was silly and could easily be avoided but our egos kept it moving. After silent treatment for a week, I accepted defeat and went to apologize. I never thought it was worth the break and besides I was missing him.

When we met again, he was like a stranger, I didn’t know where to begin, he made it so hard for me to even open my mouth to apologize, he never gave me even a minute of his time. I said it amidst fear but I was determined to get him back. He laughed at my apology and slammed the door in my face; I kept around for like a minute hoping he will sober up and open again…he never did, all I had was a loud soccer game in the house.

I could hear my inner ego scream out…”get over him, he is not worth” believe me; I was determined to walk away and never to look back. When I lay in my bed that night, my inner Goddess whispered to me…”you are a lady and you can make that man love you, you are beautiful, prove him wrong by making him fall for you. And when that happens, walk away and turn the tables in his face” I smiled at the idea and I laid out my strategies to impress this fella.

I studied his moves, and I knew how to get his attention, of course I succeeded because personally he was a guy who cared, I blackmailed him into even taking me to his bed, of course a man will gladly eat when he is served. Like a lamb, I sacrificed my values and dignity for this guy, I gave him my body and I was sure if he has fallen prey then am on top of the game. I didn’t like the experience, as a matter of fact, I could feel that I was stooping so low, I was giving out too much to a man I wasn’t even sure would look at me in the morning.

I was wrong, I was woken up with breakfast in bed; it felt nice, I had achieved my goal, I had won him over. He dropped me at work and kissed me goodbye. I was all smiles for a full day. My joy faded when I didn’t hear from him that day, I lay awake that night and just hoping he calls or texts or… he didn’t do any of those. This broke my heart but my goddess couldn’t let me give up that easily. I laid out another strategy.

He was in my grip again but this time he demanded for more, he demanded for what I had never thought would ever do, he demanded for live sex, whoaaa…I went in silence for a while. I shook my head and the reaction on his face scared me, he stood up to leave. I felt my heart ache, I felt torn. I wish I hadn’t felt like that, maybe I wouldn’t be here writing all this. But this time, I felt like I would never get him back, I called him back and served his desires. I was sure that after serving his demands, he will stay. It was all steamy even this day but it lasted after a week.

This time I felt helpless, I had gone beyond my game plan and the guy was still on top of the game, I gave up. I was ready to let him go and by so doing, I hooked up with some guy who was on my waiting list (every girl has that guy they really don’t like, but consider just in case they ever find themselves bored and lonely) After two weeks of my new romance, something happened; I got sick, I was extremely weak as a matter of fact I collapsed at my place of work. My new catch rushed me to his doctor and the news I got that day changed my entire life. “Congratulations, you are pregnant” My new catch slowly dropped my hand and gave me a shocking look; we had obliviously never had sex together. The shock on my face forced the doctor to leave the room and give us some privacy. I turned to face my then boyfriend and Gosh, his eyes had turned red. His face had hardened and I could tell he was holding tears, I tried to explain but all he did was push me away.

I had three days to rest, I tried to explain to him that that relationship was over before we started but he couldn’t listen. I hated my inner goddess for having pushed me to this dilemma, and still here I was; in this guy’s house again asking for forgiveness. I had hurt him, I could feel it, he had plans for our relationship and I had crushed every bit of it. I got on my knees and asked him not to hate me, “I understand you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, but please don’t hate me” I grabbed his leg as he walked away. As he pulled away, he kicked me in the chest; I fell on a center table and hit my head really bad. He didn’t look behind, he just continued for his room, I must have got dizzy and fell asleep on the floor. When I regained my conscious, he was there standing and looking at me. My head hurt so much, my chest hurt too; I was scared I had lost my pregnancy (much as at this point that’s what I wanted)

I left his house, went and sat on the stairs and waited for my friend to come pick me. I cried my eyes dry, this guy had chased me for like 6 months but he couldn’t even care when I was hurt. The doctor’s report wasn’t scaring, it was a simple blood clot and it got better. I was still pregnant and good to go. My friend stayed with me for two weeks until I was back on my feet. I had one pending issue to settle and this was confronting the would be baby dad. I wasn’t willing to do so but after a few lectures from my friend, I planned on doing so. He wasn’t picking up my calls and I wasn’t willing to go to his house. My lawyer brother tried contacting him and when he eventually had succeeded, they had an appointment to meet at a certain hotel, my brother forwarded me the address and I met with him at the place.

After an hour, my brother got impatient and called him, he directed him to a specific hall in that hotel, when we entered, it was a full house, four people seated on the high table, him in the middle, a lady besides him and other two guys. It was the launch of his wedding meetings. When he saw me, he stood up and went out. After a few minutes, a security guy came and dragged me out of the room. Everyone turned to witness this scandal, my brother rushed to stop the guy but he couldn’t succeed. I was thrown out of the room in humiliation. The photos and videos got on social media before I even left the hotel. My immediate boss called and advised me to first get a break, it was obvious, I was fired since with my kind of work, scandal is the last thing they could stand.

My brother sued the hotel but I couldn’t stand to be embarrassed for another time. I disappeared that night and with my savings, I was able to flee the country. I went through pregnancy with difficulty, financially, emotionally but after that I settled down. I cut all communication and settled somewhere new. I had a baby girl and so far she is my Cinderella story…she has given me hope, my trust for men was completely crushed. Do not go deep unless you are ready to get dirty. I wish I never pursued the wind. Much as I regret this, I learnt a lesson, no need to sacrifice with an aim of impressing.

Anonymous

 

 

A friend eyeing your spouse

Men, men! Has any woman ever wondered why some of her male peers tend to spend money on her every time they are on an outing? It’s time to worry about that ‘generous’ act of friendship. There is a trend where young men begin their weekend on Wednesdays. They hit the bar as early as 5pm many being newlyweds whereas others claim to be searching for love. There is this group of corporates I know; and since my friend Stacey is dating one of them, we sometimes hang out with them.
The group comprises eight men. The women occasionally hangout but there is one who never misses a night out with these boys. Sometimes she is the only bird in the nest and regardless of the time the boys leave the bar, she will keep them company until the end.

This woman (Martha) was a fiancée to one of our buddies. She is always sober while her husband is a drunk. Then there is Stephen (Stacey’s boyfriend) who has the money but has a wandering eye, he is also the drunk’s best friend.
Stephen is always making sure his drunken best friend never runs out of what to drink. When the bottle is half empty, he calls out to the waiter to make sure the buddy is well attended to; this he does daily.
He also makes sure to buy his other friends a few rounds but his target is usually the one friend who he claims has no money but he likes his company in return he ensures the man always tags along him and his fiancée.

Once this friend is drunk, he can barely balance on one leg and yet his sweet fiancée Martha is still enjoying the company of the boys, she chooses to stay behind claiming she will take a boda boda home. So Stacey’s boyfriend has a particular Uber man he calls to drop off his drunken friend home.

After making sure this drunken fellow is home, he is always quick to offer Martha a ride back home. Stacey, Stephen’s girlfriend has her own car and she is the kind who can drive even in the wee hours of the morning. Stephen always insists that Stacey leaves before he does and being an authoritative man, she always respects him allowing him to carry on with the boys and the one woman.
Kumbe! This boyfriend of hers first takes his best friend’s fiancée to his house before dropping her off to her fiancé’s apartment. This had been happening for several years until one day Stacey walked in on them in the sitting room.

Out of shame, he was mad at her for having walked into the house unannounced. Months later, Stacey bumped into these usual men as she was doing her journalism assignments. They asked why she no longer hangs out with them; she gave them the “I am busy” excuse but after a long conversation, she shared with one friend why she had broken up with Stephen. The man told her that they always knew about their relationship. Martha was sleeping with two men in the same group for a long but her fiancé had no idea. Months ago, the cheating Martha tied the knot with her ever drunk husband and guess who the best man was? – Stacey’s ex/ Martha’s side kick Stephen and oh boy! He gave the biggest contribution and the sweetest speech.
And I wonder, what really happened to true friendship. How can you sleep with your best friend’s fiancée and laugh with him at the same time? And the other friends in the group who were trying hard to keep the brotherly code of secrecy! Such a shame.

By Christine Nakalungi

If you do not believe in Valentine’s Day, do not ruin it for others

Valentine’s Day is here and as many people are preparing to celebrate love, booking for dinner, googling on how to spoil your lover on Valentine’s Day. There are people who try to talk you out of it. “Valentine’s Day is evil; do you know the origin of this day?”  Well, there are many days marked red on our calendars and truthfully we have nothing to do with them or even have an idea on why they are public holidays. But that is life, you go with the flow, if you find other people celebrating life, love, power, marriage, birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Eid and other days, get in the tide and celebrate with them.

Most people who are in relationships feel they should celebrate this day, take her out, and make her feel like a queen. Does that hurt anyone? No. As a matter of fact, it just inspires others to believe in love more.

You cannot force everyone to believe in what you believe in, but if it makes someone happy do not discourage him or her.

is your relationship on a rock, this is the day that might save it…create an impression and make her or him feel like a queen/ king.

 

Regardless of what you think is right, make sure your partner is in consent. You might be the kind that calls Valentines Day evil and yet your partner believes in it so much.  How do you handle this? Most people are extreme about things and you wouldn’t want him/her to go with anyone who chooses to treat them the way they dream.

Be nice to orphans, its not their choice

Death is a tragedy that we all know exists but are scared of. You might never feel its intensity until it robs you of the one you love. Death alone wouldn’t be the thing that scares us the most but the emptiness it leaves in our hearts that might never be filled.
As we all plan for our families, we never know what will befall our loved ones when we are gone. A situation where the parents die leaving behind helpless children is catastrophic. Some children are taken up by close relatives while others are left alone to figure out how to survive on their own. In a situation where you are required to lend a helping hand; raise children of your deceased sister, brother or friend. It might seem like a smooth journey but it’s a tough task.

Facing the loneliness
A child who has just lost a parent is delicate. He/ she is battling with more than you can ever imagine, the loneliness and the thought that they will never see their parents ever again is heartbreaking.

One child shared at a graduation, “When my parents died in a car accident, I never knew what it meant until all the sweet speeches given at the burial faded away and the many people who had come for burial left. It dawned on me that we are alone in this world and all the people who had come for burial had done it for our parents not necessarily us the children. Our grandmother stayed and tried to bridge the gap, but it was not the same. As time went by, I forgot the numerous people who attended the burial but I remember the only person who stayed when everyone had left.” She spoke as she thanked her grandmother.

If you take on a niece, nephew, friend’s child or any other child who has just lost a parent, take time to study their personality/ character. Some children can reconcile with the loss after a week or a month whereas others can take longer.

How to raise an orphan
Melbe Twiine, a Counsellor at Compassion International, says orphans are delicate; anything can open the wound.

“In the many years I have spent dealing with orphans and abandoned children. I have realised that an abandoned child has hope of seeing their parents some time but an orphan has lost hope and thus they are hard to deal with,” she explains. Twiine adds, “I personally fear to hurt an orphan, when I accidentally say or do something that might hurt them, I apologise fast before the word penetrates. Do not allow an orphan to think deeply about some bad things or statements told to them by either a teacher or any other person.”

Avoid showing sides
Treat all children the same. It is hard to balance love but if you are to help that child, you must make sure they are not alienated by either your children or spouse

Own the child
Make the child your own, the way you would treat your child. If he or she is young, let them call you mummy or daddy. Don’t let them feel the difference between your own child and them.

Do not try to replace their parents
Much as it is okay for them to call you mummy or daddy, do not force them to do so if they do not feel the same. Some children do not want to feel like you are taking away their parents’ position. “There’s always a hole in each orphan’s heart, do not try to force yourself,” the counsellor advises.

Take them to a counsellor
Some children are too buried in loneliness that they might fail to open up regardless of what you do to bring them close. “In this case, Patrick Mwase, a psychologist, at Makerere School of Psychology says, “you could take another step of taking the child to a professional counsellor. They have a way of penetrating through the dark hidden rooms of the heart.”

Things you should never tell an orphan
Avoid anything that might drive them into thinking about the past. If you choose to talk about their late parents, do not talk ill about them, just share the sweet memories only. A child is only interested in keeping the sweet memory not the bad.
Do not be mean to them, if you cannot help an orphan, do not hurt them. Truth is, no one chooses to be an orphan. Sometimes they might joke about it but be careful not to go on that path especially if your parents are still alive.

Christine Nakalungi

@kalungixtyn

Christmas songs that will make you smile

Christmas is here and with all the excitements of shopping, travelling, our playlists change to Christmas carols, and the songs that remind us of why we need to celebrate this day.

Eli Wasswa a Ugandan gospel artiste who moved to UK released a song that could tickle your feelings. The feeling of jazz won’t be missed, his great voice that articulates words clearly delivers the message well and of course much as he is in the diaspora, he wished a merry Christmas to people in his mother land with the luganda stanzas.

This is Eli’s first Christmas away from home and the snow, shinning streets must have caught him off-guard. The song named Christmas love reminds us to give to the poor and needy, for that is the spirit of Christmas. More so, as we strive to make ends meet on this day, be thankful for whatever you have, because there are people who have a broken leg or have no hopes of even having a decent meal. In general, this song will inspire you to look at Christmas with a different attitude, the attitude of love. Make this Christmas special for those who do not have. Merry Christmas to you all.

Other Christmas Songs

Twelve days of Christmas (Coke Studio)

Oh Holy Night (sauti Sol)

Silent Night (Coke Studio)

 

 

He cared about me but loved her

I never in my life thought a man could go out with a woman and spend time with her without really having intentions to date her or relationship goals. Like me, I am sure many are wrong in thinking that way.

I invested quite a lot of my time and energy in Mathew only to find out that he did not feel the same way. I know I was supposed to be really mad at him or at least cut off communication, which did not happen. Do you know why?

He is not your ordinary kind of man. His care could be mistaken for a special kind of love. I recall this one moment when I was stuck in the middle of nowhere on my way to Mbale. We had just “broken up” (was it even breaking up?) You know those things where you are not in a relationship but have serious misunderstandings as though you are. We always “broke up” and made up before an hour could elapse.

So I was stuck and only had a sign post telling me where I was. I had run out of fuel and was not anywhere close to a fuel pump. After noticing I was not getting anywhere with getting mad at him, I picked up the phone and called him to come to my rescue and in no time he was speeding over a distance of 80Km from his location with 15 litres of fuel in his car boot. That was daring enough, I thought.

He told me he dashed out bed, leaving his sick fiancée just to bring me fuel because he was scared I would be attacked. This is the biggest thing Mathew did for me, not to mention all those nights I called him, asking him to bail me out with large sums of money, which he generously gave.

But what hurt me was he never at any one moment said the words “I love you”, and you know how much every woman wants to hear these words, even when they are coming from someone they do not care about.

By the way, I could not understand how a man could ask me ask me out, get close to me, even go to the extent of having a physical relationship with me and never confess his feelings for me. Who does that?

For a long time I thought he was pretending because onlookers could tell we were in love. He often told me he missed me, cared about me and loved my company but that was all he ever said.

After a while, I got concerned and broke the rules. I told him I loved him and he went silent. Dude, I thought this was good news. I thought he felt the same way but had not said anything yet because like many guys, he didn’t know how to say it or did not want to complicate things, just in case I did not feel the same way.

“Hey, I am human, I like you, I care about you and I worry about you and that is all,” he retorted. Okay, I got the point but then needed  clarification on the “like” bit. But he still did not mention what I needed to hear. I gave up and waited.

He said: “You know what? I had a very beautiful girlfriend in high school. We loved each other so much and we planned on marrying someday. One fateful day together with her elder sister, she decided to head to the city for a modelling audition—she had always wanted to be a model. On their way, their taxi crashed. The two died on spot and that’s how I lost my woman. Since then, I have not fallen in love.

And all that time I thought we had a connection. But the story was a sad one. I hugged him and told him I understood (trust me I didn’t). It was a whole 10 years ago.

Meanwhile, that was only a part of his story. He was later forced into a relationship by his friends and a child was born out of it. So Becky’s parents insisted he should marry her and love her because he loves his daughter. But he said he had a special connection with me.

I now know that emotional attraction is quite weird. When a man is emotionally attracted to you, he will not even explain why because he does not know and yes, it is possible that someone will ‘like you’, feel safe when with you, and love your company to the marrow, care about you, but will not love you like you want to be loved.

By Eseri watsemwa

If you don’t believe in love, do not ruin it for others

Does true love exist? YES, to the lucky ones who end up with the person they love most and No to the broken souls; the ones who once worshipped it but were left bleeding. Life treats everyone differently. Some people are lucky to win a lottery and become millionaires overnight while others toil for hours but never get the pleasure of even owning a real home. Life is not fair but we love it anyway.

For starters, what is true love? Many talk about it, but very few can explain what it really means. Most people refer to it as a ghost; something we know exists but with no concrete evidence.
True love is not for everyone…it all begins well with butterflies in the stomach but the end determines whether you smile forever or sell your heart to pain and heartbreak. Before you go around campaigning against true love, you might need to understand that it is not anyone’s fault that you got that heartbreak. Yes, we understand you have failed to move on from your past heartbreak. You hate all men/women and do not believe a single word that comes out of their mouth. Maybe you are right but stop dragging everyone on that journey. If you cannot be happy for those who are lucky in love, don’t crash their beliefs. Our fate is different.

And if weddings no longer inspire you to try love again, stay home and watch horror movies other than wearing that gloomy face and soliciting for sympathy.

As each girl was offering relationship advice on a bridal shower, Fatimah sat quietly with her eyes glued to the phone, and when her turn to say something came, she fuzzily stared at us as if someone had splashed a can of teargas into her eyes. She eventually stood up to say something that we all wished she had stayed quiet. “Never trust a man” she started. “Men are like children, they eat whatever is set before them. Enjoy this when you still can because it never lasts. Do not fall in love 100 per cent with that man. He is only giving you less than 50 per cent of his love. He won’t think twice before cheating on you. So my dear cousin, open your eyes before…” Her sister Shamim pulled her down before she finished her soliloquy of doom.

Sarah, the bride, tried to act strong but she dropped a few tears. The in-laws stood up and ordered Fatimah to leave the party. She did not hesitate and that proud look on her face as she dragged her feet drove all of us crazy. We spent the whole evening trying to preach to Sarah that love is a beautiful thing and that she was lucky to have met hers instead of eating cake and having fun.

True love is not found, it’s built. So, maybe you can try working harder on the next relationship and stop poisoning people’s minds that true love is a childish dream because some of us still believe in it. Do not give up on love, keep trying and maybe you might tap into the luck one day.

Christine Nakalungi

Twitter: @kalungixtyn